I was watching Millionaire Matchmaker on Slice TV, and I love watching that show because that show will tell you a lot about how people think in general. Even though the show focuses on millionaires it’s really about all of us and the way we date and the way we see life. One of the people on the show was asking “How would you five closest friends describe you?” (Which in itself is a good conversation topic.) And he answered (paraphrased) “My friends never have anything bad to say about me. Every time I break up with someone they always tell me how much better I am and how successful and I deserve better.”
That line really bothered me. And this is for a few reasons.
Firstly, if your friends were your real friends they would be honest about how they felt about your relationship and should tell you from the start that this person is not worthy of you. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with what they say. But your friends should be honest from the start. I know for myself, as much as my friends may like someone, they appreciate my honest opinion more because I can see things that they can’t see about themselves. Yes it may sting the friendship a bit, but better to be honest then build a friendship on lies.
Secondly, your friends care, they care about your happiness, and most of the time they know that happiness can lead to blindness as well. Since most people experience a lot of unhappiness in their life they don’t want to take away any good moments from your current relationship. And they’ll continue to bite their teeth and tongue and not say anything, so at the very end they might tell you that, “He’s such a jerk. You deserve so much better. You are so much better than him.” Or “You know what, good riddance of her, she was trying to take your freedom away. And let’s face it you don’t need someone that’s so clingy anyway.”
Third, your friends will tell you lies to your face. They only tell you half the story of how they feel about you and your relationship. Most of your friends badly want to tell you that that you’ve always been attracted to the bad boy, or you’ve always been attracted to the female victim type that you’re trying to save, or you’re always going for the man or woman who is unavailable because she’s with someone else, or that you always attract women who like you for your money. But because they don’t want to hurt your feelings, they won’t.
But instead, because they want to be nice to you, they tell you that he was an asshole, and she was being a bitch after the break up. And you’re so much better. The reality is, you’re only as good as the people you choose. And who was responsible for doing the choosing…ultimately you. So while your friends will be supportive of you after a break up to make you feel better you have to ask yourself, “What was my part in all of this?”
Was it genuinely because there was a legitimate issue that couldn’t be worked out such as conflicting ideas of having children. Or have you been setting yourself up with the same types of people, HOPING that something would be different. Your friends will lie to make you feel better and watch you create another messy relationship, then there are ones who will tell you what they believe the truth is but you either don’t care or don’t really take their advice. They may be able to lie to you to make you feel better, but at the end of the day you can’t lie to yourself. You know the type of people you’ve attracted before… or are you going to do something different to ensure it never happens again?
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