Have you ever consistently gone out there and networked but never seemed to be able to connect with anyone? Or you’re at a party and you’re able to talk to to a person but never get their personal contact information? Or you find that your conversations are dry and never more than 7 minutes long?
Our culture values conversation. It values connection. And the better you are at both, the more happy and fulfilled your life will be. The sad part is that many of us grow up believing that conversation and connection is a natural thing to have. That charisma is something that can not be developed. It’s the philosophy of “You either born with it, or you’re not” but that philosophy is a huge lie.
People Can Become a Master in the Art of Conversation
People continue to have terrible conversations, or they feel a lack of connectedness with other people is because they do it without making a conscious effort to improve those skills. They don’t study for it, or set goals to push the limits of their own communication. They become comfortable. They become complacent. They make all the excuses in the world about how it’s other people’s communication and not their own.
This happens a lot when it comes to finding love in life. I run into people who make excuses all the time about not being able to find love. They tell me that they are doing everything they can. What they are doing is that they keep doing the same things and meeting the same people. And what you get are the same lackluster results.
You have to Set Goals to Improve Your Conversation Skills
If you want become the type of person who becomes great at conversation then you need to set goals and stick to them. It’s easy to say that you want to have a comfortable retirement where you have a steady income coming in, but if you don’t set goals to save money and to earn more income then your dream of a comfortable retirement is not going to happen.
Goals give you a direction of what you need to become a master at the art of conversation. Once you’ve achieved one goal, then go out and set another one in a area of communication you want to improve in.
When you are out there meeting new people there are several different types of goals you may want to consider:
Professional Goals To Consider:
Who do you want to meet?
Regardless of whether you may meet a person or not, it’s always good idea to have a list of people that you want to meet. For example one of my previous interns Mandy Candy enjoys using Twitter. She started connecting with different people on it, and soon she had a list of people she wanted to meet in real life. As time went on she was able to meet many of them in person and develop great professional connections in her life.
Personally I would like to meet Les Brown, Jack Canfield and Tony Robbins.
Meet a Veteran in Your Industry:
Before I became a dating coach I was quite scared to meet one of Vancouver’s top dating coaches, Ronald Lee from Man Meets Woman. He was the only live demonstration coach in Vancouver when I first met him. I was nervous and wasn’t too sure what to expect. But I took the chance, and 3 years later we’re still good friends and he teaches me a lot about marketing and sales. It’s a good idea to challenge yourself to meet someone who is more experienced in your industry in the case that you need advice or mentorship.
Social Goals to Consider:
How Many People Do you want to Meet?
It’s easy to go to a party and just chat with whomever is convenient at the time. But when I find I am dedicating myself to meeting new people, I’ll make it a goal to talk to 5 new people at a party or social event. If the event is one hour long this allows me to spend 10 minutes talking a new person and then forces me to go and seek out a new person. This way instead of being comfortable and stuck with talking to 2 people at the party the whole time, I can meet 5 new people.
Test Your Connection Skills:
The other end might be that you find yourself always jumping from one conversation to another. But you find that each and every time you’re not connecting with others. It might be time for you to focus on developing your connection skills. When you go to a social gathering you may want to set the goal of meeting a person there and finding out 4 personal elements about him that are not work related.
Dating and Attraction Goals:
Go for the Number:
If your purpose is to go out and get more dates, then you may want to set the goal of getting a woman’s number. In the past you may have had wonderful conversations with women and felt all connected. However if you don’t ask for their number you may never be able to contact them again. Set the goal at the end of a great conversation to get at least one woman’s number by the end of an event.
Take a Chance and Flirt:
What do you believe are ways that people can improve their own social skills and become great at the art of conversation?
I’m a big fan of flirting. I love to flirt. I flirt with my girlfriend all the time. And if you’ve never been comfortable flirting with a man that you are attracted to, then take the chance and do it. If you don’t usually flirt, make it a point to do so with the next man you are attracted to and see what kind of results happen. Flirting creates a lot of spark.
I also wanted to share with you a great blog that I’ve been following by Rachel. It discusses her journey as a married woman to find her BFF when she’s moved into a new city. Great insight and fun to read.
Also if you are looking to get more tips on how you can become a better in your dating and social life, and are looking for practical exercises and goals to achieve them then try out Art of Conversation: Enhance Your Charisma for Success. Get your Preview Chapter Here on Asking Great Questions.
Related posts:
- How to Make People Feel Like They’ve Known You Forever (Part 1 of 2)
- Secrets to Talking to People when Religion is Brought Up
- The Art of Conversation-Introducing People with Style
- Art of Appreciation – How to Compliment People
- The Art of Active Listening- Listening Skills
Do you need help with Conversations, Making Friends or Your Dating Life?
