One of the keys to being a successful conversationalist is to be able to get people to feel like they have known you forever when you’ve them for the first time. In the first blog we discussed about using subconscious time to get people to feel as if they have known you for years.
The other key aspect to getting strangers to feel as if they have known you forever is to get them to feel a roller coaster ride of emotions.
The Boring Path and Steady Path
Let’s look at the analogy of a roller coaster ride more closely. Imagine yourself being blindfolded. A person guides you to sit down in a mystery seat. All you know is that you are going on a ride. As the ride begins it starts off slow and steady. You soon realize a whole minute has passed and it’s still slow and predictable. You soon get bored. As you take off your blindfold you realize that you’ve been on a wooden race car track that was designed for children.
If you only involve one type of emotion when talking with people then you are sending them on the kiddie car ride. You are giving them the same feelings over and over again. And while this may be good if it’s laughter and positive talk, over time, too much positivity can hurt your conversations. And people will always associate you as being positive and pleasant to be with but will not find you genuine and real.
My Ex Felt I was Fake
My ex girlfriend once said to me that I was always so positive, she asked me “Don’t you ever feel angry or upset?” And the truth is I did, but I used to think that people didn’t want to know and see that side of me. I always thought that she only wanted to see the best side of me, but because I refused to show her my darker side she never felt that I was real around her.
Don’t Have Your Conversations Be about Negative Emotions
This also goes for complaining and discussing negative emotional topics during your conversation. If you get people to feel upset or they are feeling too many negative emotions during your conversation then you will make people to feel down in the dumps.
Having a person experiencing one emotion is safe and steady, but it will never bring you the connection that’s needed to have the other person feel deeply close to you.
The Roller Coaster Path:
To make people feel deeply connected with you, you need to get them to ride the emotional roller coaster. Imagine being blind folded on a roller coaster, it’s exciting, it’s scary, it’s thrilling, it’s unpredictable and most of all it’s memorable. You never know what to expect next. You never know when it’s going to slow down or accelerate. You are constantly wondering what is going to happen next.
Getting people to experience a wide variety of emotions will create suspense. People like variety and spontaneity in their conversations. You have to be able to give them both.
When you want them to feel like they’ve known you forever, talk about happy moments, sad moments, angry moments, upsetting moments, joyous moments, make them laugh, make them cry, whatever you do you want to make them feel a lot of different emotions.
Wrapping it Up
Just take a step back and look at all the close friendships you’ve had in your life. The conversations that made you close to people. Were they always about one particular topic or emotion? Were you good friends because you discussed the triumphs and the downfalls of your life? When you’re able to condense all of those different emotions into a conversation for half an hour or less then people are going to feel like they’ve known you forever.
Use Emotional Words to Stimulate Emotion
The best way to get people to feel emotions is to use emotional words in your conversation.
“When I finished writing my Art of Conversation book I was overwhelmed with happiness, and when I sold my first book I was feeling so much joy that I started to cry. But during the two years before that, I was frustrated and stressed out because I wanted to complete the project so badly. But the best part was being able to write, and have the feeling that I’ve accomplished something that brings values to other people. And that I’m ecstatic about.”
Notice all the different emotions I used in that small conversation piece.
How about you? What makes you feel like you’ve known a person forever when you first talk to them?
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Related posts:
- How to Make People Feel Like They’ve Known You Forever (Part 1 of 2)
- The Art of Active Listening- Listening Skills
- Art of Appreciation – How to Compliment People
- Why The Power of Positive Thinking is Hurting Your Conversations
- The Art of Convesation-Questions Rephrased
Do you need help with Conversations, Making Friends or Your Dating Life?
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