71,000 Couples Divorce in Canada Every Year, Will You Be One of Them?

My Experience with Divorce

When I was six years old, my parents divorced. At the time it was hard for me to understand how two people that vowed to be together with each other forever could separate.

At times during my childhood it felt rather lonely because I never knew any other children who had divorced parents. In the back of mind, I always felt a little different. I was always little anxious in explaining to some of my friends why I referred to my step mom as my aunt.

Decades later, I understood the frustration and amount of work it took to keep a marriage together, because it’s hard work to build my current relationship though I wouldn’t give it up for the world.

How Many People Divorce Every Year?

I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard that CBC was going to do a 10 week documentary on divorce and the effects it had on children. It quoted that 71,000 couples divorce in Canada every year.

It saddens me, and makes me angry. It angers me that there are so many people that are not taking marriage as they should. It saddens me that there are so many people that treat marriage as if it was a job transition. As if it was a natural part of life without giving some hard long thought what it means to be with one single person for their whole life.

A Minister’s Wise Words

I remember attending a wedding and hearing a minister talk. He was giving sage advice about the union of marriage. He said that to keep a career going in the corporate world you have to work hard. You have to work smart, and you have to find ways to keep the career going.

The requirements of a job will change over the years. Sometimes the changes will be fast, other times they will be steady, but to ensure the longevity of the career you have to change to what is needed.

Marriage, he says is no different. It’s hard work. I’ve said a lot of times in my blog posts. Choosing who you want to marry shouldn’t be hard work, but getting and staying married damn well is hard and rewarding work.

Though I’m not married myself yet, I believe the breakdown of a marriage begins long before a person says “I do” at the alter and it can be evident.

3 Topics to Discuss Before Getting Married

If you are thinking about marrying a person you’re being with there are a few things that should be addressed beforehand.

Know Each Other’s Values

1) Know each other’s values. Love is great, and learning to love each other is a value you both may have.

Here’s the real kicker, most people don’t have a clue of what their own values are. And when you have two people that don’t know their own values are it can cause a lot of confusion and sadness in a marriage. Values are the foundations of having a good marriage, it’s the foundation of raising children as well. If you believe in the golden rule, treat others the way you want to be treated then this makes life much more easier to live.

Married couples that come from a strong religious background share similar values and are more likely to be together for the long haul.

Ask the Hard Questions

2) Before a couple gets married, they have to ask the questions that make them the most uncomfortable. I’ve had these discussions before and they aren’t pleasant. They downright suck. But you need to know what would happen if one day you both become poor, or for one reason or another one of you can no longer have sex with the other person, what if your partner cheats on you, what if one partners is terminally ill?

Yes we would all love to think that marriage is a fairytale but it’s not. We would like to think that those kinds of things don’t happen to us. But you have to discuss the questions that make you uncomfortable. It will make your relationship and marriage stronger because you will have married into the real person, not the person hiding their feelings. You have to know the realities of a marriage.

Get Professional Help if Necessary

3) Are you both willing to seek professional help? I honestly think that most couples divorce because they never go and seek professional help before, or during their marriage. In work it’s okay to ask for help from people on projects, but in our marriage it can be different, because it’s so personal. It’s hard because marriage is a private institution.

I know many couples whose marriage was on the brink of ending. But because one, or both of them went to seek professional help when they needed it, they were able to gain a new perspective on their marriage and their marriage was saved. If you truly believe your marriage is worth saving, then you need to go look for professional help.

Remember, marriage starts way before the engagement in order for it to be a life long companionships.

What about yourself, what do you think couples need to know or do to keep a relationship going?

Related posts:

1. Why Dating Conversations are not Relationship Conversations
2. Do You Like Making Excuses When Looking for Love?
3. The Top 10 Realities of Being in a Committed Relationship

Tagged as: difficult conversations, love, relationships