5 Ways to Maintain a Loving Relationship
Through the thick and thin, I wouldn’t give our relationship up for the world.
Along the way we both had to do things to ensure that we maintained our love and had a great relationship. In this blog post I share 5 lesson I’ve learned to maintaining love and relationships.
Lesson 5: Continue to Be the Man that She was Attracted To
As time goes on, we can feel complacent about our relationships. A man can become comfortable with the woman he has been with for a long time. Comfortable meaning he’s starting to take her for granted.
Let’s look at Joe and Sue. When Sue first started dating Joe, he was adventurous and ambitious, and she was attracted to that. In the previous month of their relationship he no longer goes out hiking with her, he’s not as funny or ambitious as he was in the first three months of dating. Sue feels that he’s a different person now.
Though this happens at different phases in a relationship, it’s important to ensure that you keep being the man you were when she first met you. If you’re not sure what those characteristics are, then ask her. Too many relationships fall apart because men were too lazy to be the man they used to be.
Lesson 4: Take the Good with the Bad
I love my girlfriend to death. But one thing I’ve learned is that there are going to be parts about whomever I’m dating that I don’t like. No woman in life is ever going to be absolutely perfect for a man.
You are two individual people who have grown up in a different household culture. You both grew up with different ideas from friends. Therefore, it’s only natural that there will be some things you don’t like about each other.
The key issue to remember is whether the “bad thing” is a deal breaker in relationship. If she doesn’t always thank you for doing a job well done for doing maintenance work around the house, is that a deal breaker? If not then it’s an annoyance that is part of every relationship.
Lesson 3: The Small for the Man is the Big for the Woman
When women talk to each other they are intuitive and somehow just get each other. The same way that men understand men when a dirty joke is made. When men communicate withe each other, we tend to look at things as an individual incident.
If my guy friend comes half an hour late to drive me, to me he’s half an hour late. This doesn’t mean he’s unreliable or that he doesn’t value our friendship. It happened once…that’s it. Until men start to see solid patterns we don’t jump to conclusions about a person.
Women look at issues differently. If I arrive half an hour late, she will interpret that I am not a high priority in her life. That I am not a good boyfriend because I am unreliable. Women will make certain actions into universal characteristics about who you are as a man quickly. This is one of the big differences between the way men and women communicate.
To ensure that the love is maintained, you will need to understand that your woman has high expectations of you to achieve what is within reason. If you tell her you are going to pick up the groceries then go and do it. If you are tired and can’t pick them up, then let her know and suggest that you both go out and eat out that night.
If she is being highly unreasonable, then you have the right to explain to her why you’re not able to carry out a particular action.
Lesson 2: She’s Always Thinking about the Future of You Two
At some point in a relationship a woman will want to know where the relationships is going. If you tell her that you don’t want a committed relationship that’s absolutely fine. But after a while, she’ll probably want to have a deeper relationship. And once she has a deeper relationship with you, she’ll wonder if you are the type of person she can bring home to mom.
If you get along with her family, she’ll start to think about a long term committed relationship with you. Then she’ll think whether you would be a good provider for herself, and for sons and daughters that haven’t existed yet. I’ve realized that women will always, no matter how satisfying the relationship will be, will think about the future of “us.”
In order to maintain a loving relationship, you need to address these real concerns she has. If the future is continuously brushed aside she will lose faith in you as a provider to her.
Lesson 1: Find New Ways to Love Each Other
In my opinion this is very important. Finding constant new ways to love each other will keep you from going from Lover to Friend. A relationship is about loving someone in a way that still creates romantic and sexual feelings. A friendship does not require either one.
In order to keep the spark alive in any relationship, you have to work hard to know how your partner likes to be romanced. Or another way of looking at it, you have to know how to keep making your partner feel special.
This might include going traveling to a new place together. It could be taking a dancing class together. But you have to keep finding ways to show her love. Some will work. Others won’t.
After dating for two years with my girlfriend, I started my own love letter project to her. I am writing her 100 love letters in one year as her second year anniversary gift. This will always keep her guessing on what I’m writing.
What about yourself, what are some of the lessons you’ve learned about being in a relationship? I would love to hear more, please post your comments up.
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