If you missed part 1 of 2 of the 5 Warning Signs the First Date You’re on Sucks, then you can click here.
Ever have this happen on your date?
Warning Sign Number 5: You’re on a Date with the “Let’s Get Married” Guy.
He tells you on your first meeting that he loves you to death and knows that you are absolutely perfect for him. Then he proceeds to tell you that he wants to have your babies. He wants the babies’ names to be Ben and Betty.
He says he wants to name his son Ben because that was the name of his first jail cell mate.
He also wants to call his first daughter Betty because that was the name of the first girl that slapped him. He always had fond memories of her.
If he’s telling you all that stuff…you know your first date sucks.
Warning Sign Number 4: You’re On a Date with Girl Who Loves to Hurl.
Your date tells you she wants to go dancing, so the both of you go to the hottest nightclub in town. Upon arrival she slams down six tequila shots in a row. From that point on she slurs all her words.
She decides that doing the funky chicken in the middle of the dance floor is a good way to let loose. After the dance, she stumbles to the bar and decides to get another shot of tequila. She downs it. Heads to the dance floor only to hurl on the dance floor, and get kicked out by a big guy that has the face of a gorilla.
As you drive her home, she hurls in your car too. Your car now has the nice aroma of sushi mixed with tequila. You have to piggyback her up the stairs while smelling her oh so refreshing breath. You know there is not going to be a first kiss on this date.
Your know your first date sucks.
Warning Sign Number 3: You’re On a Date with Mr. Attached to His Wife Still.
He’s decided to take you on a romantic trip to one of the best skiing resorts in all the world, Whistler Mountain. Home of 2010 Winter Olympics. He has a wonderful restaurant booked, he tells you that you and him are going to have the best time in the world. He then tells you that he needs to make a quick stop at his lawyer’s office along the way.
You’re curious why, and then he answers, “I have to sign the separation papers.” You start to cringe and have realized that that you are stuck between a mountain, a long stretch of highway and Vancouver and no one to help you.
You know your first date sucks.
Warning Sign Number 2: You’re on a Date with “Lied About her Looks Online.”
You’ve just planned a first date with a woman you’ve met online. She was funny, humorous and over the phone she sounded sexy. Her photo showed that she was attractive. As she walks in the door, and she recognizes you, you don’t recognize her.
Upon further discussion you’ve found out that she’s posted a picture that was from 7 years ago. She’s aged terribly since then and is not as old as she said she was.
You know your first date…is a nightmare!
Warning Sign Number 1: You’re on a Date with a Man who Kisses Like…go ahead read on.
You’ve had a fantastic date. Everything is going perfectly, you think you’ve found the man of your dreams. He’s funny, he’s charming, he paid for the bill. He loves his family and his dog. He volunteers once a week down at the animal shelter. He’s such a lively conversationalist. He has a great career in finance and is moving his way up in the world.
As you gaze into each other’s eyes, you close your eyes, and he closes his, and slowly but surely you move in for a kiss. As your heart races with anticipation and lips slightly tense, you feel a gentleness upon them. You start to feel the magic and fireworks, and shortly after you feel his tongue dart down your throat, and soon your lips are wetter than the Pacific Ocean. Somehow the fireworks fizzled into dust.
He has officially given you the darting lizard kiss. He darts his tongue in and out with no sense of remorse. And it’s terrible.
Officially, your first date is horrendous.
How about yourself, what kind of dates have you been on that seemed were absolutely terrible that cause other people to either cringe and laugh at the same time? Share your thoughts.
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